From lived experience to leadership

I want to stamp out forced marriage, and so-called honour-based violence, permanently.

Why? Because it happened to me.

I understand forced marriage in the only way it can be properly understood, by someone who has experienced it.

Now, as ‘lived experience leader’, I help other women rebuild their lives after going through this abuse. And my long-term mission is to change society for the better and put an end to these exploitative and illegal practices. 

While my lived experience is my drive and puts me in a unique position, using something so personal and traumatic in the professional arena isn’t without challenges!

Here are just a few of my observations as a lived experience leader.

Power balance and struggles

While I’m not particularly interested in or influenced by the loudest or most powerful person in the room, power dynamics are everywhere.

I believe in the human capacity for change, but we operate in hierarchical structures, often within the systems that have harmed us; this contributes to power struggles.

It’s frustrating to see people in power make decisions without relevant first-hand knowledge or experience. It can be challenging to form relationships with those in power if they can’t grasp the importance of lived experience.

So, I focus on raising the voice of the marginalised ethnic minority women who are disproportionately affected by forced marriage and honour-based violence. I use my position to continuously move towards improving the lives of this community that I represent.

A crystal-clear vision

My lived experience is my motivation to make the changes needed, and I’m clear and passionate about my vision. Being self-assured and respectful with everyone I meet is valuable, but surrounding myself with like-minded, astute ‘doers’ is critical.

Authenticity and resilience

My lived experience has undoubtedly made me determined and resilient as a leader, and this is something that can’t be taught. It's important for me to be myself and be authentic. My deep sense of purpose means I’ll never give up pursing my vision to make a difference.

Understand and set boundaries

Sharing personal experiences can be exhausting and traumatising. Knowing what to be prepared to discuss and what I’m willing to share is important.

This helps me, and others, feel supported, safe, and accountable. Focusing on the incredible impact Universal Truth is making is my guiding light.

It’s okay to say NO

Lived experience is a balance of the personal, where we celebrate human connection, with the professional where we champion knowledge and support.

Sometimes it’s necessary to remember to be in control and not be afraid to be firm. When I feel uncomfortable or that my boundaries are being tested, I will say no and walk away.

Integrity is everything

Sharing knowledge, perspectives, insights, and understanding gathered through lived experience will help build a society and culture that prioritises trust, respect, and dignity.

Everything I do is informed and shaped by my first-hand experience of forced marriage. This matters for many reasons, not least of which is that I know the nuances and complexities of dealing with forced marriage.

The effortless understanding and the non-judgmental nature lived experience offers is what makes Universal Truth’s services so valuable. By developing relationships based on my deep understanding and first-hand knowledge I help the survivors rebuild their lives.

To get in touch with me email nyla@universal-truth.co.uk